When Genetics Finally Catch Up

I've known for awhile that I will be having a rough time of things, considering all the different ailments that are on both sides of my family. I've known that I have several strikes coming against me. It's just a matter of time when they decide to rear their ugly heads. On both sides I have diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol issues, weight problems, "old timers" (which runs early on mom's side) and cancer. Today's entry deals with one that seems to be exclusively on my mom's side.

I've always been high strung and more tightly wound than most. I get stressed at the drop of a hat. Any hat, really. Shit, it can be just a little yarmulke and I'll get stressed. I've found that the older I get, the tighter I feel wound. In 2011, I started getting these killer headaches. Worse headaches than I'd ever had before. Usually, a nap will take care of a headache. However, these were more like 2 or 3 or more headaches all ganging up on me. Eyestrain? Check. Sinus pain? Check. Stress pain (neck, shoulders, back of head)? Check. Nausea? Aw hell. Check. I'd end up spending the day in a dark, semi-quiet room (can't be fully silent otherwise the tinnitus would amplify the headache and make it worse) and attempt to sleep it off. Gone were the headaches that only lasted a few hours. I started getting the ones that lasted 12-16 hours. Most of July was spent in pain. It seemed that every other day I could look forward to being laid out on the sofa, not moving much, and sipping chicken broth. I realized that this was all a bad reaction to stress (that idiot was getting out of prison that month), so I never bothered with the doctor. I figured they'd go away once I got it through my head that there was nothing I could do about the situation. Eventually, they stopped showing up every other day and got to be only a day or so a month. Even then, there wasn't much to do about them because I knew what the trigger was. In this case, I was in pain for another reason and got stressed. Just lie down and try to relax.

So off and on, I’d get these headaches and I’d just deal with them. Mom had migraines when she was in her 30s so I’d been expecting I’d eventually get them as well. Up to 2013 (maybe a bit before or after), they weren’t anything I couldn’t handle. The winter of 2012 I came down very sick. I ended up with this nasty bug around Thanksgiving time and fought it off and on all winter long. By early 2013, I was so sick that I ended up giving in and going to the doctor’s. She put me on some wonderful drugs to help me get over the crud I was fighting. We suspected that it wasn’t just several colds, but some nasty bug that lasted and lasted and lasted. The Energizer Bunny of all colds, ya know? Anyhow, I’d gotten home from the dr’s (or did I go the day before?) and gotten comfy for the afternoon when I had this bad coughing spell. All of a sudden, I couldn’t breathe for a couple seconds. It scared the daylights out of me, but not enough for me demand to see the doctor again so soon. A few minutes later, I get coughing again …..

This time, I woke up confused and face down on the floor…. and bleeding. I’d lost my breath to the point of passing out and fallen face first into the tv cart. My nose and other sections of my face were scuffed up as well as my knees (rug burn) and my left hand. Hubby ended up bringing me into Urgent Care because by the time we’d gotten me cleaned up and had a discussion whether I should go in or not (yeah there’s a story there), the clinic just down the road was already closed. Not that it mattered because they don’t have a CAT scanner at the clinic, so they would have sent me off to Urgent Care anyhow. This was when they found that other problem I talked about in one of the previous posts, the reason why they sent me in for an MRI and all.

Fast forward to 2014, to when I start getting the migraines again. I wasn’t really calling them migraines because it’s more like an eyestrain/sinus/stress headache, but whatever. They got worse, much worse. The kind of worse where you not only think your head is going to explode, but you think your stomach is going to evict itself from your body. Yeah, I not only had the nausea, but I had vomiting now as well. The migraines were showing up a bit more frequently than once a month or so. They were showing up at least 1-2 times a week. The dr at the Urgent Care referred me to a neurologist for follow up care. The neurologist, in turn, sent me in for an MRI (God, I hate those damned things!) in October to see exactly what was going on. He also sent me in for a blood work up, just in case they needed to use contrast.

In November, I got this note from the neurologist:

Received:

11/4/2014  9:47 AM EST

Dear Ms. B

The MRI of your brain does not show an acute process. You have a borderline Chiari ( the cerebellar tonsil is slightly low) which was also seen on previous imaging. Please contact me if your neurological symptoms worsen and schedule a follow up appointment.

Sincerely,

Completed by: C J W MD, November 4, 2014, 9:47 AM

(names withheld for my own protection)

Additional reading because not everyone knows what a Chiari is:

Chiari info:

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/chiari/detail_chiari.htm



Looks like I was more than likely born with it because a couple of those symptoms I've had for more than a couple decades. The ear ringing started when I was still at home, although not to the extent I have now. He's not talking surgery yet but if we can't get these migraines under control, it might be where we'll have to go with it. Top things all off, thinking back, I’ve had a lot of blunt force trauma as well.  There have been at least 3 events since 2000 that could have aggravated a symptom I was born with.  I’ve already told hubby that if it’s not life threatening, I may just deal with the migraines. Considering I’m extremely high strung, over weight, and local pain killers don’t work on me ….. well that’s just an accident waiting to happen (or a stroke or other heart event). Why? Because generally brain surgery means you gotta be awake for it…. and I panic easily.

Top things all off, the neurologist pretty much had a stroke when he saw my blood panels. Seems my white cells are outta whack. Thing is, they have been for years. He suspects that it might be sinus disease and the only way to check for that is a spinal tap. Yeah right. See above paragraph if you think I’m gonna allow that one to happen….

So… if you’ve written… or called… and ask how I am doing and got the old “SSDD” response, or a “I’m fed, clothed and have shelter so I really can’t ask for more than that” kind of response. This is why.  And this isn’t even the full tip of the iceberg, to be honest. I have at least one more condition I haven’t mentioned yet, PLUS what’s going on with everything else….

PS: I was given a listing of things that could trigger my migraines. Some of them are food items and I've found a couple of those that have decided they want to be triggers. *sigh*  Chocolate, I shall miss you....

New Update

Got a note from Dr K (the ENT):

 I got a message from our interventional radiologist who reviewed your films, and went over them with a neuro specialist, and they feel it is too small and much more likely to be a small amount of fatty tissue to effectively biopsy. They recommended a follow up scan in 6 months as an alternative. Does this seem reasonable to you? Please let me know your thoughts.

Regards SK

Looks like a wait and see approach is happening. Considering how troublesome of a patient I am, this is actually a good idea.

I also got a note from the PCP as well later in the day. Nice to see that my physician doesn't just deal with her emails during business hours (she answered back at around 1am...). Anyhow she's agreeing with the ENT and that maybe the conservative approach to this is the best idea.

Update

On Wednesday, I went and had my MRI done. I managed to handle it well with no medicines to calm me, which is kind of amazing considering that it was one of those closed MRIs and a bit snug for comfort. Kept my eyes closed the entire time and just focused on the clicks/knocks (they were just loud enough to drown out the tinnitus ringing and as such, I almost relaxed enough to fall asleep at one point).

Thursday I got the results. Names removed for privacy. Here is the email I received from the ENT's office:

From:SK MDReceived:5/30/2013  5:49 PM EDTHi I reviewed the MRI report and they are seeing a small nodule that looks like a lymph node and on comparison to an older CT scan (2011), looks about the same size. I think it is reasonable to just observe it; but if you would prefer to get a tissue biopsy to confirm that it is a node and that is bengin, I can arrange for you to have an ultrasound guided biopsy with our interventional radiologists.Please let me know your thoughts when you have a chanceThanksSK

I wrote her back to confirm the year on the CT scan that was used as comparison. I was hoping that year was a typo, because if not...that thing's been in me for at least 2 years now and for sure the antibiotics haven't reduced its size (and I've been on them ALOT this year). It's not gotten any larger but what really concerns me is the fact that no one has noticed it before now. Hubby and I  discussed the next step to take. The ENT doesn't seem too concerned. Well, she's concerned enough to get me an answer right away (she knows I'm a worrywart), but not concerned enough to say it needs to be dealt with right now. Hubby's suggested the biopsy anyway, just for peace of mind. Seems to be the prudent step at this point.

Later in the afternoon, I received this:

RE:imaging results

To:

From:DC RN
Received:5/31/2013 9:59 AM EDT
Dear Ms,
Dr. K is out of the office until Tuesday. The report of the MRI states "CT scan of the sinuses dated 2011 was reviewed and the previously described parotid nodule most likely was present at that time, but imaged only on the periphery of the film suggesting a benign stable etiology."Hopefully the information is helpful. If not, I will be happy to forward your message to Dr. K for a response.Completed by: DC RN, May 31, 2013, 9:59 AM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So it looks like it HAS been in there at a minimum of 2 years. My biggest question right now is WHY ... if you see something odd on the periphery of a CT scan's film (it would have been an incidental find there as well) ...you don't say "the sinuses look ok but we saw something a bit odd and would like to send you in so we can get a better look at this" ... just so you can be SURE that it IS benign and stable? Granted, I know that the insurance companies make the doctors jump through all sorts of hoops and stuff. However, it was an incidental find at the Urgent Care too. Why wait 2 years and not say a damned thing? What if it WASN'T benign? So I wrote the ENT office back:

Yes it is, thank you. Really kind of upset at this point that if it was showing (even if it was on a periphery part of the film) that someone didn't say "Hey, we really should get a better look, just in case". Especially since there's cancer on both sides of my family. That said, I think we're going to opt for the biopsy. However, the Dr needs to know that local shots don't numb me as they should and she needs to be reminded that I'm a nervous patient.
Best Regards

Best Regards

I've looked up the type of biopsy they want to do and not liking the procedure at all. Locals don't work on me so I'm looking at pain and terror for the procedure. I'm guessing that even if it's benign, they're going to recommend that it gets removed anyhow. Better safe than sorry.

That's where we stand right now. I still need to drop a note to my PCP and my allergy dr and get them caught up on this. Not really a happy camper right now........

An update and the rest of the story

As most of you know, I've come down sick *AGAIN*. This is about the 4th or 5th time since Thanksgiving and the second since the turn of the year. The last two have gone from bad colds to upper respiratory infections. You may also remember that I went to the dr's on Thursday, given a breathing treatment and prescribed a bunch of meds to help get past this one.

The coughing spasms were horrible. I mean a frightening kind of horrible. Around 4-430pm on Friday, a spasm so bad hit that I blacked out. Not only did I black out, but I fell out of my office chair and face first into the tv cart in the corner of the room. For the smart-asses,  the tv cart and floor survived, but they're demanding hazard pay and the cart needs a good therapist to deal with the weeping and tremors it gets everytime I waddle into the room. Anyhow, I did quite the number on myself and really scared the shit outta hubby (although he's not really admitted it yet). Blood family knows that when I see my own blood, I tend to panic.... which is precisely what I proceeded to do (screaming, crying, hyperventilating , the whole 9 yards). I scuffed my right knee, left shin, back of my left hand (how the hell??), scraped between my eyes as well as under my nose and ended up bruising my forehead, over my right eye and my right jaw. Yeah, when I do something like this... I really do a job and a half on it.

By the time I got cleaned up, hubby had to call the Urgent Care Clinic because it was after hours at the regular clinic. He made an appointment for me there at 7pm. Why they couldn't just send me to the hospital just 5 minutes down the road, I have no friggin clue. Ah naw, send me to the UCC 20 miles away. Idjuts.... but I digress.

The dr that saw me ordered a CT scan, to be certain that there were no fractures or brain bleeds. Thankfully, I'm all clear there. However, they did find something. While reviewing for the cracks and bleeds, they found a lump in my parotid gland (or at least that's what that dr was thinking at the time). Needless to say, I've been worried and scared all weekend because my family... well we don't have a great track record with certain diseases. I'm high-strung and a nervous sort so naturally my brain went to the worst case scenerio (to be expected when a dr pairs "lump" and "biopsy" in the same sentence).  By this morning, I had a raging migraine. Mostly from the stress, but also the sinuses and what the paperwork from Friday calls post concussion syndrome (means that I'm gonna be "off" and have headaches now and again for up to 4 weeks... *ugh*).

The ENT doctor was really nice (she got wind really quick that I'm a very difficult patient).  She told me that the lump was what they call an incidental find. Meaning it's not something they were looking for. Since they weren't looking for this kind of problem and were just checking for cracks, a contrast wasn't used.... so they didn't have alot of detail on it. She did say that it's "only" about 7mm (any lump is too big in my mind, honestly) and she's not really overly worried about it. She had her fingers in my mouth, probing both cheeks as a comparison (and to see if there was anything in the right cheek as well) and couldn't feel the lump at all. She said 90-95% time it's totally nothing. NO biopsy today (which is something I was terrified of having because locals just don't work on me). After a long talk, we're thinking that with my severe allergies and the fact I've been sick so often lately that it might just be some overspill from the infection.  Could be the parotid gland or a lymph node. If it's the lymph, it's usually nothing (but a good idea to check because of cancer in my family, reason why I've been worried). If it's the parotid (it's a salivary gland in the cheek), it's usually nothing either. Normally both are benign ~IF~ they turn out to be tumors. We're hoping a lymph, because it normally means no surgery. If it's the parotid, they may opt to go in anyhow because even a benign tumor still grows a bit and a lump in the parotid can effect (affect?) the surrounding tissue and muscles in the face. I've been instructed to finish up my antibiotic and schedule an MRI in 2-4 weeks after things have settled. Actually, even if I end up with more anti-biotics (which is always a possibility), I'm to go in anyhow. This time they'll be sending some contrast through so they get a better look at it. We're hoping to see some shrinkage from the anti-biotics. If that's the case, they may put me on a month long course to kill it good and proper. Just means no allergy shots for the next month or two (which starts me back near to square one again.. *sigh*).

catching up and facing facts

I know it's been awhile since the last update and I'm terribly sorry about that. For the same reason I gave in my 2 Cents blog, well let's just say it applies here as well. The constant medical trouble has gotten me so I'm depressed more often than I care to be. Or at least, I was. ^_~

If some of you recall, I mentioned in the 2 Cents that I started using a cane in December 2010. It wasn't something that I wanted to do but it had become necessary to help me get around. By January or February, I had decided that it would be in my best interest to also invest in a wheel-chair. This isn't for day to day use, but for when we're travelling like we did later in Spring 2011. Oh, and for everyone's information, if the wheel chair says that it takes up to a certain weight and it should be able to handle your particular weight... don't bet on it handling your mass. Just sayin'. The chair I invested in was fine for a 300 pound person, however my 286 wasn't very comfortable in it. Then again, I'm only 5'5" and I digress....

By March, I'd decided that I was having enough difficulty that maybe trying the cortisone shot might be in my best interest. I was tired of having to take so many OTC pain killers and really have been afraid of jacking up my stomach (and liver and anything else for that matter). We decided to go get this shot a few days (week?) before my NYBro was due in, just on the off-chance that there were some side effects that I couldn't handle. Let's just say it was a damned good thing that I opted this course. First of all, that shot HURT LIKE HELL and I bled like you wouldn't believe. Second, by the time I got home an hour later, I was completely lame in my right leg. Thank goodness I'd opted for just the one knee to see if it would work. Normally, I get around fair to middlin in the house and can do without the cane while in the confines of my home. That night, I needed my cane and every other means of support to get around  (we're talking furniture, walls, spouse etc..) for 8 hours. However, when I got up the next morning, I was pain free. I could walk just fine with very minimal help. Very odd considering I was told that it would talk 2-3 days to maybe a week for it to kick in. The whole day was pain-free and the first half of the next day. Next thing I knew, my right knee started giving out again and by the time we got to that evening, it was as bad... if not worse... than before *sighs*.

By April, my lurch had become alot more pronounced. Not only did my right knee give out  but that whole side of my body would dip, thereby adding stress to my hip, thigh and the small of my back. It actually still does that. Walking has become extremely painful. My NYBro had had to leave from his vacation in March due to a family issue, so he came back in April. The three of us went and spent 4 days- 3 nights in DC. With the cane, I've noticed that many people are more patient and doors get opened for me. It seems, however, that the lower you are (in a chair vs being upright with a cane) makes a HUGE difference on how visible you are. Combined weight of me and that contraption is roughly 450-500 pounds and it doesn't exactly have the best braking system ya know? The lack of upper body strength didn't help matters either. Although, I did well on linoleum and marble floors.  I swear I was totally invisible to a good 95% of the people that I encountered during that time in DC. Definitely an eye opener as I certainly do NOT want to end up in one for the rest of my life. IF I do, I certainly will be investing in a much better chair, that's for sure. Couldn't complain though as it cost me only about $150 and it would have cost more than that to rent one for those 4 days. Now, if something happens and either one of us are in a tight spot, we've got the equipment to handle it. From this point and on for 6 months, I was actually riding in the truck with a temporary handicap placard.

Later on in 2011, I went in to the dr's again because I developed a really odd sore spot in my left calf. It was like a below the skin bruise. You know the ones I'm talking about, they hurt to the touch but never appear on the skin until they are nearly healed and turn that freaky shade of green and yellow. *UGH*! I'd had a problem with one of the leg rests on the wheel chair and it jammed in the upright position and we had no real place to store that leg support at the time (besides, if I did, one of the posts in the seat of the chair would dig into the back of my left thigh) so we left it on the chair. I think one of the posts dug in a bit during the day and created this problem. The spot was sore for a good long time. I was hoping that it would just go away (like most sore spots do), but it persisted and then I developed a tingle in the leg. Since my dad has a neuropathy in his legs and since his aunt lost both her legs to diabetes, I figured  a trip to the doctor  was in order. What it got me put on pain killers and muscle relaxers as well as an order to go to the physical therapist.

It also got me a "this is the last resort" speech and a suggestion of bariatric surgery to get the weight off. *UGH* I got talking to another nutritionist and showing her what I had been doing and the progress I had been making. She told me what the surgery would entail and said I'd need to be cleared by a therapist before they could even consider this step. I then asked her the one question that I knew the answer to and the look on her face told me that this step wasn't going to be right. You see, with the knees doing what they were, a depression had set in. On top of that idjut got out of prison and ... well... I developed an eating disorder. Stress will do one of two things to me. If there's no food around (like in the first marriage), I lose weight like you wouldn't believe. However, if food is available.... Yeah, I think you got it. I was so stressed that I was getting up every 15 minutes or so and shoveling the food right on in. Half the time I didn't realize I was doing it until I had half of whatever it was I was eating consumed. By then it was the "I may as well finish it now..." It was rough, I'm telling you. The minute I admitted that to her and myself  AND I was able to put a finger on WHY it was happening, I looked at her and said... "that surgery aint gonna do me a lick of good until I fix the problems up in my head, is it?" She told me no and suggested that it might be a good idea to follow up with the  therapist in the clinic. I did, however, manage to go to one of the nutrition meetings later in the week and acknowledge my problem to my husband and a room full of strangers.... so I have made the tiniest of half steps. I haven't followed up with the therapist yet though. I know, I really should... but I can't seem to make myself take that next step yet. Yeah yeah yeah. I know.

After 4 weeks at the PT, we discovered that I was a bit more limber than I had been. When I first went in, I couldn't even straighten my legs completely out. I still do my PT exercises mostly daily. We're on the night shift now and so doing my exercises is a touch and go because I prefer to be alone in the bed when I do them. Last thing I wanna do is disturb hubby while he's sleeping and since our normal patterns are off right now (mine by about 5-6 hours, his by 12).  I really wish that the insurance would have covered more than just 4 weeks, but it was a start. Several weeks afterwards, I noticed that although I stayed more limber than I had been, there still wasn't much improvement in the strength of the legs.

By the end of September, my placard was expiring so I had to go to the dr again. Around this time, my usual dr had been relocated to the hospital and I was assigned a new one. I was really happy because I'd been getting the feeling that I needed a second set of eyes on my health. Drs generally take one look at a heavy patient and next thing you know, there's blinkers on their eyes and the only thing they see is the weight. I know I have to lose it, and I know I can. I just need the knees to cooperate! Once they start behaving as they should, I just know I can get some of this back off again. The new dr is nice but all I got was an order for another x-ray, an MRI, a refill on my meds and ordered to follow up with the orthopedic and an acupuncturist (I'd already had a visit with the Alternative Medicine Dept somewhere up there ^^^ I just can't remember when.... so I knew what I was in for with her). ~sigh~

The X-Ray found a bit more damage in the knees and now there's definite signs of arthritis  in there. The MRI confirmed it. My follow up at the orthopedic ended up being a second opinion kind of appointment because the insurance company loves sending me to the best and most popular doctors in the whole area. I should be flattered, I know but damned if it isn't difficult to get an appointment when you need one. The new orthopedic confirmed what the dr has said regarding my scans. She also suggested another cortisone shot. Her answer when I said it didn't work last time? "It may have been a bad batch." Wouldn't that be my luck. I opted for no because I knew I was headed to the acupuncturist in the next month. I was also turned down for another placard because she'd rather have me walking. As much as I don't blame her, and agree I need to walk, but isn't this just going to damage the knees farther? So hubby's being really good and at least parking as close as he can and if it's not an option, he drops me at the door and parks farther back (he needs to walk too, but this blog aint about him) so I have a distance to walk when we leave the store. I can't tell you how damned tired I am after the weekly shopping trip. Oh, and before it's suggested as it was suggested a few years before, I'm going to say what I said that time... using the power carts that are provided for the handicapped defeats the purpose entirely. It IS awfully unnerving , however, when some sweet old lady (who obviously needs it ALOT more than me) pulls over and offers the cart to me as they're headed out to the parking lot from their shopping.  Yeah, I look THAT bad walking. Have I mentioned that after a dozen steps or more my right leg tends to drag now? I didn't? Oh. Yeah just another complication to fight there. The more tired the leg gets, the more it likes to drag and wiggle behind me. I'm actually getting scuff marks on the TOPS of my sneakers. Also, I asked after a brace for the knee to at least stabilize it and was told that she doubted that the clinics covered one that would even fit me. Fantastic.

In December, I had my first appointment at the Alt Medicine clinic. My next appointments won't be until February and March because ... yup, you guessed it! She's the the best and most popular acupuncturist there is in the area. She had a vacation coming the week after I was in and is double and triple booked all through the month of January. Anyhow, after an hour of having my knee porcupined, wouldn't you know... it actually felt good! I could put weight on it and walking was a good deal easier. I told hubby that even if it gave me only 4 days to a week (considering that my appointments will be once a week come February) it will get me from appointment to appointment. Each treatment is supposed to be better. So yeah, it is showing some promise. We'll see once I can get in weekly to have this done. We're hoping that if we can get the knee to stop giving out that having to treat the hip as well won't be necessary. Keeping my fingers crossed there.

In the mean time, at the top of this year I've stepped back from one of my games in FB and as time goes by, I'm not as stressed about dingletwit being on the loose. So that eating problem? Well it's not as prevalent as it was. Also considering that my eating schedule has changed up a bit and I'm asleep during the hours that had been the worst times of the problem, I don't seem to be having as much trouble there either. I may had to start napping in the afternoon or find something else besides computer work to do during those hours when we go back to days again. Now to get back onto a better eating program and convince myself to get back onto the bike more often. The right knee tends to snap back and forth during the ride lately (like it was before I went to the PT) and that WILL cause more damage, so I need to figure out how to get it to not do that anymore. Otherwise, I'm happier than I've been in a while. I'm learning to carve out time for just being me, which is helping matters a bit. I've got projects in the works here to help divert my attention to other matters and I think I'll be checking out the On Demand channels to see if there something else that might be helpful.

progress

Suitable name for blog found.

New theme found and tweaked 

New link created to reflect changes.

Now to find the drive to actually post the subject matter.

Under reconstruction

I'm in the process of  re-purposing this page as it's quite obvious that it's not going to be used for what it was created for. The new title is up... the colors and decor will come in a bit. The link will be changed to reflect the new blog but I wanted to give a heads up on that before just changing it.

Updating

Meant to share this months ago....

http://health.msn.com/health-topics/video.aspx?vid=12b2b2f9-7fdb-4745-9b77-511614bcea0b

August appt:

After a discussion with the ob/gyn in August, I've come to the conclusion that this is simply not going to happen for us. Hubby just doesn't want to do what needs to be done to see if things are on his end. I know a man doesn't want to have that info about himself, that he wants to feel invincible, however sometimes tests like that need doing. Anyhow, I am thinking it's a moot point. I told the dr that I even used the predictor kits for 3 months running to make sure the timing was right. She asked if I got the double lines and I told her yes. Her response? Well, we don't need to send you in for further testing because obviously your body is doing what it should be doing. Next steps? He needs to go back in and be retested and then they see about putting me on meds and such. I don't see any sense in it when there are other things that need to be happening too.... and they haven't been because he's always sick. So why waste the money on meds that will be of no use?

Anyhow, I suspect this blog will get deleted or simply repurposed in the next week or so.... assuming I'm up for working in the account.

So this month

... I decided to grab the bull by the horns (figuratively speaking) and get myself one of those 20 strip ovulation prediction kits. The box stated that you could start testing the day after your period if your cycle was less than 35 days long. If your cycle was typically longer than that, than you needed to wait 2-3 days before starting testing. As we all know from previous entries, mine is completely unpredictible. So I waited 2 days and started setting the alarm to get up at the same time every morning so it had the early morning urine to test on.

For the first 10-15 days, there wasn't anything. Not even the slightest hint that an egg was going to be dropping soon. *sigh* But I kept testing. The day I tested with the last strip, I had the barest of lines in the test area, but not nearly enough to denote an egg. That day, I ended up going out and buying another kit...this one was only for 7 days as I was getting close to another monthly period. By day 5 in this test, we got the result we were waiting on.

So I did what any woman, who's been wanting this for as long as I have, does when she gets this result....didn't give the husband a choice. NOW was the time. For 3 days I got the same results and then I ran out of testing supplies, but it doesn't matter. Why? Because after the first day, hubby came down ill....*AGAIN*....due to his friggin sinuses. Fever, nausea, the whole kit and kaboodle...again. So either the one encounter will be enough, or we've missed the window yet another month. I'm not getting my hopes up this time either. Just letting y'all know where we stand.

Hubby's going in for blood work this week and has his yearly physical with the PCP next week. I've told him he needs to get all of his appts squared away before he goes back to nights the middle of next month.

updates

Ok, so a couple weeks ago (or has it been more like 3? I've lost track!!) hubby had that ummm appointment I'd mentioned. Well...he's low and they're not exactly sure why. So that dr sent him to an urologist to see if there's a medical reason for the levels he tested at.

This last week he went to the urologist and they found an infection (UT) he didn't realize he had. Lord knows how long he's had it, and no it's not of the contagious sort. The urologist has put him on Ciprofloxacin at a dosage of 2 times daily for 30 days. HUH? *clicks link* Since when does it take a month to get rid of a UT? *sigh*

Anyhow, once he's gone through all the meds.... he needs to go back in for another "donation" and see where it all stands. The urologist did say that he was NOT infertile. That's a good thing! However, if he's still low...we'll need some help. The urologist seemed to think our problem was more than likely a timing issue or possibly me. This means hubby and I need to discuss what needs to happen next. If he says that I need to test, just to be sure, then that will be the next step. If he says he doesn't want to worry yet and wants to just keep tryin... well, I done told him he better plan on getting busy every other day for a month to make sure it aint a timing issue (no chance of missing then). If THAT don't work, then I can only suspect that I'm the defective party.... and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Kinda like the guys not wanting to know their swimmers are defective, last thing I wanna hear is that the oven's broken (or we're outta eggs)and there aint a damn thing that can be done about it. And before any suggestions come in how "there are other options", no there aren't. If insurance won't cover it, it won't be happening and we certainly don't have the extra to be going through an adoption process.

Results

Took the test yesterday. It came up negative. I cant tell you how depressed I was for this one. Today, I got confirmation that the test didnt throw a false negative. *sigh* Why do I keep doing this to myself? I know if I'd just bought the test and didnt bother taking it, I wouldnt have started. At least that's the way it seems to go.

Hope?

Is it stress? Or did we actually get lucky? I'm not showing any of the accepted symptoms....

However, I'm running 3 weeks late. Yeah, ya read that right. Not a sign of my friend all through February (I was due on the 22ND). Usually, my body runs either a 4 or 6 week cycle, depending on the stress going on in my life. We have to admit that there's been ALOT of stress over here lately. It's actually been known to skip full months, but it hasn't done that in a small handful of years.

Although there's a possibility that I'm not, but there is hope I just might be. I checked the calender and if the calculations are right, I could be anywhere from 3-6 weeks along. I really should just go and get one of those tests, but part of me is afraid of the disappointment I know I'll get if it turns out negative...AGAIN. Seems to be always the way... it gets to be two weeks late, I get excited, buy the test, take it a few days later, it comes up negative and then....my friend shows up 2 days after that. Each time I go through this cycle is worse than the time before. I suspect that's why I havent bothered even picking up the test yet.

Dec 23rd appt

On December 23rd I had an appointment with the ob-gyn. I figured it's be just a quickie go over the results of my scan and bloodwork kinda visit so I wasnt overly stressed about it. There was such a lack of stress that my blood pressure was sitting at a MARVELOUS 120/64 (even after the minor happy happy dance I did when I found out I had dropped yet another pound to make 26 lost).

When the doctor came in, I was told that there were no abnormalities found in the scans (yay) but she was worried about the liver numbers. I pointed out that they werent bad until she put me on those damned meds. She asked if I was still taking them (man dont they read the file on the puter before coming in?? Geeez. Maybe it's time to go back to the old paper files guys) and I told her no, that she told me to stop taking the Metformin because the body didnt handle it right. Once we got that squared away and discussed my last two cycles (which were abnormally abnormal), she decided that it might be a good idea to do a biopsy on my insides *PANIC* and I was sent to the lab to get a cup for a urinalysis...and while there please empty my bladder out. The urinalysis was simply to see if I was pregnant....I could have told them I wasnt. Ya gotta be having sex for that and since I hadnt been (too busy too tired) , there was no possible way that I was preggers. I was told that she was going to write the PCP (personal care physician) and see what she wanted to do but it was highly likely that they were going to want to do a scan on my liver. Well gee thanks! You give me medicine that's liable to fk up my liver and then complain when it does.

Once that sample was gotten, I was brought into another room in the ob-gyn's office. There were all sorts of equipment in there and ALOT of clamps. Guarantee that my bp went sky high. When the dr came in she asked if I was ok (I musta been 5 shades whiter than a few minutes ago) and I told her "NO". Once I explained I dont do drs, nurses, needles and the like very well and that certain drs are more difficult for me (specialists like dentists, opthamologists, podiatrists, etc)..it was understood quickly that I wasnt likely to be pleasant for this.

I expected a slight bit of discomfort, maybe even a bit of pain but boy did I ever underestimate THAT. The pain was sharp, and up ALOT higher in the anatomy than I expected. I know I screamed and began to cry and all I wanted to do is kick the dr in the face. I was offered some meds for it...a shot with pain killers and I said no because when I have this kind of pain NOTHING short of Vicodin helps. I told them they werent gonna be touching me again today so I certainly HOPED they got the sample they needed. I was allowed to curl up on the table for a bit...the pain was much like a menstrual cramping with pain below my belly button and going all the way to my lower back. I was checked on a couple times and brought some paper work. One of the papers was for hubby....at least his aint gonna be painful (lucky bugger). I was also given a flyer on the one test they are looking at doing on me. I told them I didnt want that test because I heard it hurt alot and I was told that if my tubes werent blocked then it shouldnt hurt all that badly. Yeah...BS. I certainly hope that test doesnt need to be done.

Once hubby's test is done, then I have to contact the ob-gyn again. She said something about wanting to put me on Clomid to get me to ovulate but that this medicine messes with the liver too. Gee thanks. Just dont complain to me when the liver numbers go up because the meds you give me fk with the liver counts!!

The good news is, they didnt call me while I was out travelling so the biopsy couldnt have found anything wrong...right?

December 12th, Friday's appt

Ok, so Friday's appointment wasnt nearly as bad as I had expected...but it definitely was as invasive as I feared. The scans they did on me (for those that ~really~ want the details) were a US Pelvis, Complete AND a Transvaginal, Non-Ob. For those of you who DID look those up, you'll notice that one is a full bladder test and the other is an empty one. This in and of itself confused me because Im used to having to make a make dash down a hallway and around a corner to get to the bathroom in the dr's office (it really would make more sense to put me in a room across the hall from a bathroom if you want a sample, really!). It didnt make sense for me to get undressed from the waist down to just pull everything back on to run to the potty and come back and undress again! Hubby tried comforting me by saying that more than likely it was just the one test (the much less invasive one).



So...Friday I get up at 730am to empty the ol bladder out as per instructions. I took in as little fluid as possible, just enough for my pills. The reason for this, is to make sure one doesnt have to go to the bathroom too soon after taking in the amount of fluid they want you to have. Now, for the ultrasound, the bladder must be full. Depending on how pregnant you are, determines the amount of fluid they want you to drink before the test. Since Im not pregnant, I had to down 32oz of water or non-caffeinated, non-carbonated beverage an hour before the test. Now, anyone who knows me properly knows that 10 oz of fluid is enough to fill that bladder up fast and that within 60 minutes I'll be headed for the loo. The more fluid you add, the faster I need to make that trip. As for 32 oz and told I cannot potty til after this test? Well it's a killer. I should point out that there was a rough section of road AS WELL AS THE TEST between me and a bathroom. So I down all 32 oz just before leaving the house and we head off for the 20 mile trip to the Imaging center. It took us 40 minutes to get there because of the traffic (did I mention the rough section of road??)

Hubby walked me in, makin sure I got to where I had to be without incident (I get lost fast) before leaving for his own appointment (stitches removal for his arm). I got my paperwork filled out and waited. I had to laugh because one of the questions was "when was your last cycle"...considering that I'd been showing signs already (3 days early!!!!) I was wondering which they wanted. The November marathon or the geyser I was sure was about to show up?? I put in November's and then put a note next to it that I was showing signs already for this month. It's good to give the technician a heads up that it could get nasty...

After seemingly forever (it was only 10 minutes but I had to pee before even walking in there so it felt like a very very long time), someone came to get me. She asked me how I was doing and I whispered very urgently that I.HAD.TO.PEE.....umm and like NOW. *laffs* She tells me that well then we wont have to wait then, will we? Ummm no. She went over a few things on my paperwork to make sure she was clear on it (especially the section on my last cycle...), then told me to hop up on the table and pull my pants down just past my pelvis. Yeah right, once I get my fat arse up there, aint nothing is gonna get pulled down! I'm just too fat for that. So I get the drawers pulled down where they need to be and position myself on the table. Im warned the gel she's gonna use is a tad warm. Told her it's a good thing because if anything cold hit me now, she'd have a mess to clean up. When she got the probe on my stomach, she was all "oh goodness, I guess you really DO have a full bladder!" Yeah, ya think? It's that big black blob right in the middle of the screen! The one thing I DID like about this place was the fact that not only did the person performing the tests have a screen to look at, but a monitor was up on the wall so I could see what was going on as well (not that I really had any interest in seeing certain parts of me quite that up close and personal, but hey...it was there for my ummm "viewing pleasure". I was told that the reason they ask you to drink alot of fluid is because they use the bladder as a "window" to see what's going on. Personally, I dont see how they could....it was just a big black blob sitting there in the middle of the screen. It made a better door than window for sure.

After she was done, I was told to go ahead and clean up and go empty that poor bladder out...take my time and try to go twice to make sure it was empty. Then...glory HALLELUJAH...there was a bathroom right there next to the room! I didnt even have to get fully dressed and walk more than 6 steps...I didnt even have to leave the ROOM!! Yay! When I was done, I was to fully disrobe from the waist down and put the paper blanket over me. *nose wrinkle*

I get back on the table as instructed and she brings this wedge out to put under my butt...placing me in a very ummm compromising (is that the word I want?) position that I certainly wouldnt be able to get out of quickly if I tried. The next item that came out was, I swear, right out of an alien abduction movie! You're gonna do what and stick it WHERE?? I swear, that probe looked like it was a foot and a half to two feet long!! All I can say is thank God they're generous with the lube. I was instructed to reach under the blanket and guide the bugger in. Excuse ME? Im fat, I have trouble reaching down there over this belly of mine (and especially now you have my hips up farther than Im used to!)...

me: You're a doctor...just do what ya gotta and get it in there.
her: Im not a doctor...
me: (extremely uncomfortable in a very vulnerable position and getting cranky) You're a medical professional then, just do whatcha gotta to....WHOA!
her: Should I take it that it's in?

NO DUH! Ya think???

Well...I got to see what my uterus looks like and an ovary from that particular POV...and everything ~looks~ to be of the proper sizing...not that I'd really know because Im not a medical professional. The right ovary was difficult to see most times because it decided to play hide and go seek around my bowel (which, unfortnately, hadnt been able to move the morning deposit yet because of my IBS which is directly affected by my stress level and since this was very stressful...). The probe was removed and I was allowed to sit up. She was going to take the read outs to the radiologist and see if they needed to take any more pictures. I cant tell you how hard I prayed (no more pix, nomore pix, nomorepixPLEASE!!), waiting on her to return. Dont get me wrong, this wasnt a painful procedure in the slightest. The probe's scary because it's long but it's narrow and they arent taking a sample like they do with a pap so there isnt any real pain...just some minor discomfort as it's pushed against some things. She returned and thank God didnt need anymore. I was told to clean up and hollar for her when I was done and she'd walk me out. My dr would get the results in about 2 days time...which means they should be there tomorrow.

I have to go in for more blood work on this Friday to see if that damn Metformin messed up my liver or not. The results last time (after just a WEEK on the drug) showed elevated levels in the liver. Considering I'd been on it for several weeks after that before the dr finally decided that my body wasnt handling it...Lord knows what damage it did. The results of that should be available to me by that evening. I have another obgyn appointment on the 23rd of this month. I hope we can figure out how to straighten this out. Like was pointed out, if you have Oligomenorrhea (I've had this problem my whole life)....it's kinda hard to tell when you're ovulating so it makes it difficult getting pregant. As I was with the lady doing the scans...I discussed cycles and how we needed to get this in order so we knew when I was dropping those eggs. She asked how old I am (I ~love~ the fact I look a good 5-10 years younger because of the startled expressions I get when I tell people that I'm pushin 40) and so I said I was 39. I got an "oh my". Yeah. All those peeps out there that look at me and say "oh hunny, you still got time"...well BS...I dont. Every cycle is a lost egg and ya only get so many. I've said, if it cant get done before I turn 40, the factory's gonna be put out of commission and removed. Im tired of the pain and mess. The previous 2 cycles were damn weird (too long and light) and this one's had me in severe pain (back and stomach to the point of curling up with a heating pad) since Friday afternoon. There are days I wish I'd had my kids already....but then the divorce would have been more difficult if I had.

Anyhow, that's where we stand right now. I will be going over the scans and blood test with the obgyn on the 23rd and we'll decide then what needs to be done to get the plumbing fixed or decide if things are just beyond repair....

A decision

I think I've finally come to the conclusion that my upcoming appointment to the obgyn is going to have to be cancelled. Granted hubby has the copay accounted for in the budget but simply put, we cant afford anything that isnt MEDICALLY necessary. His ENT and urology is MEDICALLY necessary, the test to see *IF* I can get pregnant, not so much. Yes, in the long run this is an important test. However, considering I have to go back to work and wont have the time available if anything lays me up AND the co-pay for the hospital is way out of budget. So I'll be calling the obgyn and asking to talk to her directly for options. Medicine is always necessary and will get budgeted in so maybe she'll have another option. Right now I just dont see any other way around it until at least January or later when he gets settled into a new position. So for now this part of the blogsite is in a holding pattern....unless we get extra funding.....or an oopsie.

Not really feeling well today...

I wasnt good yesterday either and tomorrow... damn I hope I feel at least a little bit better. I didnt sleep so well last night and just may go in for an early bedtime tonight. Called the obgyn on Wednesday and rescheduled my appointment for next month. I'm due in on October 12th. With any luck I will have cycled again by that point. With the way things are going I'd better plan on calling her the week before and have her call in a 'script for the Prometrium or whatever because I really have a hunch Im going to need the help again.

Good thing I cancelled though as with the schedulling that she'd quoted when I was in last time the scoping would have fallen on either Tuesday or Wednesday of this coming week. That isnt an option because hubby's surgery is on Wednesday.

I hate this feeling

Ok so last night was the last dose of those pills the obgyn stuck me on. The last three days I've been cranky and irritable and want nothing more than to crawl into bed, curl up and cry. Damn I hate this feeling. I go from wanting to throw something to wanting to cry and back again. After a discussion with my SCSis regarding the procedure they want to do on me I am beginning to question my sanity on being willing to have them do it to be honest. I dont do pain well and from what she said it's gonna hurt like hell. In a conversation with my mommy, I'd mentioned this and she said that it's not necessary to go through it if I dont want and there are plenty of children out there that need good homes. Ok yeah, I know....adoption is a possibility and hubby and I have discussed this. Personally, I'd like to have one all on my own so there is one that not only carries hubby's last name but his genes as well (he's the only boy in the family). Anyhow, things should start ramping up in a day or two and I'll talk to my obgyn and see about pushing it back a month because of all that's going on here (you just KNOW the hospital co-pay's gonna be a bitch and we gotta get the truck fixed).

meds

Yep. The medicine was Prometrium and it's in pill format. The directions say to take it before bed because it'll make you drowsy. Sure enough that first pill, after it was in my system for a bit made me a bit unsteady on my feet. I almost feel tipsy but not quite. Anyhow yesterday was pill 2. The effects werent so bad last night. Keeping my fingers crossed.

and the results are

I took a pregnancy test today in preparation to be put on some meds to help jump start things. We gotta make sure we're not preggers before taking a medicine like that. The test came back just like I suspected, not pregnant....again. Well I guess the birthday sex didnt stick either. *sigh*

The nurse called on behalf of the dr today at 9am. The results did indeed come back from the blood tests with a slightly elevated testosterone level. Now this could be "slightly" like the thyroid was and fall back into place eventually OR it could be the "slightly" that means it's been that way forever and I'll need meds to regulate it. I wont know until my follow up with her in September. In anycase, I wouldnt be surprised if this has been the reason why some of our "sessions" aint stuck yet (even the ones we had when I KNOW I was ovulating). She's going to be calling in a 'script for me today to help jump start things *again* (insert eyeroll here). It wasnt Provera she mentioned though. They're going a different route. I *THOUGHT* she said Progesta...but looking that up I think Im remembering it wrong. It's possible that she said Prometrium, I'll let you know when I get the medicine in hand. We'll be picking it up on Friday...his payday.

ok it's been two weeks

So it's been two weeks since my obgyn appointment. I still havent cycled, putting me in week 6...a bit past what is deemed as "normal". Of course, nothing about me has ever been "normal". So Saturday I went into my account on WalMart to refill the Provera to get things jump started and lo and behold...the 'script expired in April. This means I had to wait until today to call the obgyn and see if she'll call me in a 'script for me to pick up this week. When I left my message, I also asked after the test results as I hadnt gotten a paper saying what the findings were. I'll be so glad when we're finished with all the testing so I can be put on meds to make things right. Not that I really WANT to be on anymore meds, but Im tired of things not being right either.